listening to Ocean Girl by Dank and remembering the feeling of my flat last year. Vanilla candles and pink orchids.Visits from mom and that floral jump suit from Forever New.Hot weather and the fountain outside.Brilliant skies and smoking out my window. The fan constantly blowing and getting groceries from the farmers market on a Saturday. Long showers and that damn bead curtain.
Today the mom and I went to an estoteric fair in Westville at the civic centre.Very happy with my purchases and the people I met.I seem to attract psychic readings I don’t ask for,I guess I just attract others to speak to me for what ever the reason.But its ok because I get to know my future for free .
1.Smudging kit for myself and one for my boy
2.Afgan medicine rug for my meditation
3.Prayer flags for above my bedroom door
4.Chakra candles for after the room smudging is done
MY first serious crush happened in grade seven when this new kid moved to our school.He was kind of nerdy but soon became one of the popular kids.None the less my preteen self developed an intense infatuation with him which resulted in endless hours of emotions poured onto pages of my diaries.
Over the next few years he’d pop up into my current diaries.How i’d seen him out at a party,how he’d grown up.My journey with him can be traced by this golden thread through all my journals,and its a precious thing to be able to relive.During our matric year we became great friends and were able to relay relationship issues on one another and kept in close contact through the year he vanished off into the depths of Australia.I loved it when he would call me from overseas, or the advice I would get from him.I loved that boy so much,seeings as he had been in and out of my life for so long.The year he returned I fell in a different kind of love and during varsity holidays when we would reunite from opposite ends of the country ,in our home town,where we tried out a different aspect of our relationship.It was just holiday flings but being who I am I got a little more attatached.
You see I had always felt this bond between us,I knew there had to be something more than a trivial friendship.I adored him,I adored his home and I absolutely adored his family.Seeings as I always trust my intuition I came to the conclusion that this “something more” could only obviously be something romantically inclined.We had some great times.And some not so great times.Our different ideas on what we were or could be often lead to frustration and tears (well on my part anyways).This push-pull saga continued for the next couple of years and my friends kept telling me to stop being insane and let it go.It wasn’t worth all this self destruction.But I held on with unfettered tenacity.
I didnt care if we were dating or friends,I just knew I had to be in his life.I tried desperately to show him that I didn’t mind how or why I was in his life but I always got the feeling that he had believed we had reached a point of no return and that I could never go back to just being friends.Eventually I decided that this ritual we had fallen into every holiday was becoming unhealthy so we didnt speak for some time.Every so often i’d send a random sms to check he was still alive.Sometimes I got a reply,sometimes not.Eventually, after my 21st birthday,where he came with flowers and balloons and an apology ,we got speaking again,but this time it was different.The time apart and our new relationships had taken this tension between us away.We knew when we were spending time together it was purely for the chat and catch up.My friends still sometimes could not understand why I insisted on trying but I wouldnt relent.
Yesterday he came over.We listened to records, we jammed to old school hip hop in his car and he dropped me off at yoga.So simple but so perfect because, goddammit I was right! We are finally and offically in that place I had always dreamed about.A place where I can tell him anything and we can just be completely relaxed in eachothers company.The place I always knew in my soul that we were meant to get to,I just didnt know how to get there.Its thanks to the ups and downs and time apart that we did eventually get here and I dont know how long it will last,but i’ll enjoy it while it does.All my effort and beliefs have already been justified over the past few times we have spent time together.This is all i’ve ever really wanted.
"I drew a map so we can get home or maybe come back here in the summer But I’m not sure how to draw a path to get to moonlight.
So, tonight, these stars can shine as our halos and the pine trees watch over like guardian angels, Protecting a perfect love between twilight and all a lifetime of yearning.
I won’t be awake for much longer So c’mon, steal me.” Jupiter Sunrise